Yea, you got your sick kicks from Fatlace, your new hoodie from Illest, your pants are just the right proportion of sag and tight, male and female. Your hat perched on your head with just the perfect amount of off-center kilter. Your shirt looks like you were standing against a wall that was graffitied in the 80's.
You've got the ultimate girl friend who always looks like she's about to cry, her unfinished tattoos, applied when she was close to blacking out drunk, are an inspiration to the vision she lives her life with. They will look even better in 30 years.
You've been in college for 6 years and are kicking ass, making great progress - you should have enough units to get your general courses out of the way in 3-4 years.
All that is left is your car...
Its a former World Challenge GT Race car passed down to you from your Dad, though it can lap Laguna Seca in under a minute thirty and pulls 1.8 g's sustained in cornering, its just not hella flush and its cramping your style.
The racing springs and Ohlins TTX shocks keep the contact patches perfectly on the ground at all times, but they're just too high. The fender gap is 1 finger tall, and the wheels sit too far inset, the tires don't even rub on the fenders! Its a travesty and you're tired of being the butt of jokes at the local GTG at the Asian bubble tea store. The perfectly installed tires look sorely too narrow and need to be stretched to the point of destroying the contact patch.
Bottom line, the car is way to fast and not hella flush enough.
A local shop in town quoted what you need to do, but its super expensive and you already spent all your money cutting up a bunch of vinyl dope stickers. They want to sell you air bags, an expensive pump and control system - you need to notch your frame rails so the axles will clear. The list goes on and on.
Well, 034Motorsport has the solution for you!
As fast and easy to install as an Ed Hardy shirt, the 034Motorsport Hella Flush Lowering Kit gives your car the Hella Flush look that will make you the envy of all your friends.
Why $795 you ask? Well, this is really good vinyl, plus the engineering and development time that went into this product is second to none. Plus to properly lower your car this low would cost at least $10,000 so this is really a bargain!
Buy and install your kit today, rock your alternative life style with confidence, be different than everyone else with millions of other people, stand for a way of life that says "My life has meaning because I carry style swagger"!
Available in any color you like, Neon Baby Blue, Chartreuse and Emo Green too!
Video demonstrating the function and stylz of the 034Motorsport Hella Flush Lowering Kit!
After installing on my s3 i put it in a wind tunnel (garage and a hair dryer) and found out that this product lowers drag AND gives MORE down force ( the holy grail of auto racing)
thank you to the greatest engineers of all times
I bought this kit finally. I'd been saving up for months. Now, when I go to the local Sheetz, I can park next to the Subarus shrouded in clouds of vape smoke and broken pistons- without being singled out.
Now if only they sold plaid shirts and faux beards.
Review by Self loathing D2 owner. /
(Posted on 1/21/2017)
LOOKS DOPE AF BRO NOW WHEN IM VAPING HELLA CLOUDS I CAN BE HELLA FLUSH TOO. TOTALLY CLEARS THE -100 CAMBER ON MY SWEET CHROME SPINNERS FROM PEPBOYS. MY ONLY ISSUE IS THAT THEY DONT COME IN "2 YEAR OLD PRIMERED GREY" TO MATCH THE DOPE PRIMER ON MY B5
I wanted something like this for a long time. I went to a few different of my loval Autozone's, Pep Boys and O'reilly's, but no one had a product like this. Now that 034 has stepped up their game and finally produced a product that is actually worth something, I am sold. I even heard a rumor that 034 is starting production on gearshift that is an actual RingPop candy. I truly am sold on this company. Where can I invest?
Review by Stan McStanceface /
(Posted on 7/16/2016)
Where to begin? I originally bought coilovers... then I saw this, I felt "raped". I now bought these and installed them (see me diy on audizine) they basically did the same as the coilovers for a fraction of the price. Not only that, they seem to be "universal" since they fit all my vehicles. 034 does it again, this shit is awesome. I jus ordered 10 more sets to have laying around.
Review by Two fast b5s4 ^ ur azz /
(Posted on 7/7/2016)
Now my B5.5 wagon looks dirt nasty low. People don't even think it's a jetta anymore. With the blue on gray they double as fender flares. Hella flush kit is so scene I now when the cover photo contest every month. Thanks 034
Review by Shark City Wagon /
(Posted on 5/27/2016)
Best purchase ever! Now I don't have to worry about cracking my oil pan when I'm mobbin. I can get that dirt nasty low look without all the expense of new engines! This product literally saved my life!
Yo so my dub ain't rubbin' enuff and I'm like, trying to rack up some mad scene points all while balling on budget, ya feel? My homie been sayin' I'm hella flush, but yo, I'm tryin to get to that next level being super str8 up hella HELLA flush... So yeah, slapped this shiz on and now I can't get tree_hugger's girl off my dizzle yo!
Dumped my girl after I installed these bad boys. At first I was like "It's for an Audi" but I said screw it... im getting them for my 89 Ford SHO. With a little modification and elbow grease.... BAM!!!! I was Hella flush. They set me back a pretty penny but now I can join the car scene and be part of the group. No more parking blocks away to view the street racing. Now I can roll with the best of them. Big shout out to 034 for accommodating me with the custom shit brown color I requested. Matches perfectly.
These worked great!! I added them to my rape kit. Good thing i did because during my last adventure my duct tape was kicked out of my hands and in the nearby river by my over-active "friend". These work well in the place of duct tape, I tell ya!!
I think the Ukranian drug dealer down the street bought this from you!!! He likes to do 70 down our residential street where he will eventually run over one of the young children that ride their bikes down the street. Night or day you can count on his junior high dropout moronic ass to speed past at 40 or 50mph over the limit. At least his salvage titled rice burning noise maker is popular amongst the local wannabe thuggies who do drugs with him. His favorite expression is Hella Flush Dawg and this kit makes him big pimpin, just ask him if you don't believe me because his 110lb ass is ready to kick some ass!