Are you a spineless copycat without an authentic, respectable bone in your body? Do you look to others for your self worth, to the point of lying to yourself in a pitiful attempt at legitimacy? When you look in the mirror, does it pain you to look into your own eyes, do you hate yourself that much?
Well, we've got the product for you!
As you likely know, buying a proper turbocharged car from a real auto manufacturer is expensive and time consuming to maintain. Even worse and more expensive is converting a car or upgrading the turbochargers on an original turbo car - the heat and pressure basically making your wallet burn and explode!
Be the envy of all your friends, respect yourself, and even your own mother will quit denying she birthed you...WITH OUR NEW HIGH PERFORMANCE TURBO SIMULATOR VALVE!
While your "high brow" friends are slaving over their turbo conversions, and rich guys are wasting all that money on their twin turbo Porsches and dating super models, you can quickly and easily create a simulated turbo sound in the convenience of your apartment carport or your parents driveway! Simply pull the thumb out of your own ass and use it to screw the thumbscrew tight around your chrome exhaust tip.
Quick and easy to install, probably won't fall off, and most importantly, bring legitimacy to your image with our TURBO SIMULATOR VALVE.
NOTE - IF YOU ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO BUY THIS, WE WILL CHARGE YOUR CREDIT CARD AND NEVER SHIP YOUR ORDER AS WE WOULDN'T BE CAUGHT DEAD STOCKING SUCH A RIDICULOUS PRODUCT AT OUR FACILITY
I've been watching this drag racing show on TV. Some of the guys have this old farm truck that they race. I was laughing at them until I saw that they beat a Lamborghini in the thing. I'm pretty sure they are using these, so I'm going to buy a couple for my farm truck and go Lambo hunting. But before I buy, does anybody know how many I should buy for my farm truck to make sure I can beat Lambos too? It sure would be embarrassing to buy 2 and have my truck sound hella cool....but to still lose to a Lambo. Should I just buy 4 of these things to be sure?
Bought two of these for my mustang and installed them at home. The neighbors all know my car and how much work I put into to so they always look around when I'm working on it.( usually straightening the a arms back or replacing the bumper). So when I finally lit her up the neighbors all came out to see what I had done! The loud whistle even had dogs and cats comin around to see my little pony. So I backed out of the driveway and blipped the throttle. Now there was a crowd all gathered around to check out my fresh mods, so what could I do, I lit them tires up, exhaust whistling people cheering, even the dogs and cats seemed to be dancing around from all the excitement. Then all of the sudden, Bam, it looked like I was leaving a mustang show. There was dogs and cats flying, little kids running covered in their parents blood and at least two severed body parts stuck in my fender wells. Needless to say I was not impressed and neither was the sheriff!!! Would not buy again!!
Best mod EVER !
Since I got my A4 B6 back in 2012, I heared some ratteling sounds while riding. And then, I heard about that 034 BOV simulator and then gave it a try.
ZOMG ! The ratteling sounds are GAWN !
Being an engineer myself, I was astonished as I realized that the ultrasounds that came out of that little tiny shit were in reality, cancelling the sounds made by wll those things that I was too lazy to repair since december 2012 !
Why repairing your stuff when you can just CANCELL THE SOUND !!
I bought this for my 2003 Kia Spectra. Wow! I unleashed the beast! 0-60 times went from 24 seconds to .333339032 I'm taking down 2000 HP GTR's and Lambo's. I will be running at this years Texas2k. I can't wait!
I was a little bit hesitant to order for my 1992 Mercedes 190e 2.6, especially since it is a natuarally aspirated 6 cylinder, but I took the plunge and......WOW!!!!!
I didn't think that a billion dollars worth of R&D into how to overengineer the sh*t out of an automobile could be improved upon, let alone so drastically. I am now constantly up to my elbows in poon and as soon as I figure out what poon is and how to rescue my elbows from it, life will continue to just keep getting more awesome. Love my new soundtrack to life 034Motorsport. You guys rock!
What the description doesn't tell you is that you can install it into you girlfriend so every time she starts complaining about when your working on your car. You just hear blow off sounds. I think our relationship has really grown.
I bought 2 of these for my twin tip muffler, next thing I know my car phased out of existance, it has yet to come back and I am growing sick of riding the bus, do not buy more than two unless you plan on traveling to parallel universes.
I installed two of these Turbo Blow off Simulator for Posers on my Tesla. Super power! What an improving, I also noticed approximately a 20% improvement in my gas mileage. I am sure I will see a good return on my gas bill. It should pay for itself by end of year.
While never waiting at 304 they did not tell me about their new electrical flush service. This is supposed to be a secret so don’t tell anyone. It is not patented yet. 403 flushed all my electrical wires on my MK0 diesel caddy to get out the built up ions and excess electrons. After doing the normal drive around the block I did a 1st, 2nd, 3rd, gear burnout. Damn impressive. You will notice that your lights will be brighter and the ignition system seems to function better, it feels like and additional 20HP.
Oh, boB, he spells his name backward to mess you up, sold me 043 signature cologne. It smells just like smoky burnout. Stop by and get a squirt next time you’re going to the club. You single guys know why. This is also a secret, they have it stashed in the back, and they don’t have it bottled yet. boB only gives out two squirts for $10. Ask for it, with your blindfold on tap your left foot three times and wink with your right eye otherwise boB won’t sell it to you; you might have to do the password more than once bob is a little slow. FYI - Not your right, boB’s right
Update to my original post
Newsflash I just received confirmation that a small product release of this cologne is shipping on February 29th and available for sale on February 30th & 31st while supplies last.
About a month ago I was cruising around in my #HellaFlush #Dapper civic and I felt like the v-tak just wasn't kickin in yo. I chose to put some sik azz flames on the side 4 20 horse power. Doe them flames did wonders I decided it wasn't enuff. I bought dis bad azz product and it added 300 horsepower! I love all the attention I get when people hear the loud PSSSHHH sound from my 10 inch muffler! 034 rox bro!
this is the best product ever, all my honda friends thought i was turboed, had a front mount to make it more real! the sound got girls wet and cougars running for me. now all i need is a big spolier and i can try out for need for speed!
Putted this on my Evo 10 ans now I have not one, two blow off sounds! like...WOOSH WOOSH! PSSSSHHHH PSSHHHH..I got 5 chicks in my car even if there is only 4 place, putted one girl in the turbo she was so wet that the real turbo blown and the TBOSRFP survived!
I stuck one of these bad boys square in my ass hole, and sure as shit if I didn't sound like Rick Astley on speed! My mother rushed into the room to see what all the glorious commotion was about! I just told her I was finger blasting myself!!!
I have gotten pussy TWICE since purchasing this! I would highly recommend to all of my friends!
amazing product!!!!! took 8 weeks to ship but when i installed it girls were more interested in my car than me. that swoosh sound makes my 2002 civic sound like a gtr. my neighbours told me to stop revving the engine because it sounded so good
After i did all my decals and stanced my 99 1.4 Civic, i thought it wouldn't be any better, but something was lacking, it kept me up all night, i couldn't go to school, couldn't pwn on xbx, i felt my life was incomplete, even the tranny porn i was regularly masturbating to wasn't doing it.
So after looking up for some dragon dildos to add to my collection, i found the perfect fedora, made out of real leather, just perfect for my hardcore gentleman needs, now proper ladies would respect me, and then i saw this lovely product, it came out of nowhere, like a hot lvl 30 night elf with huge boobs, i was psyched the f**k out.
I prayed to my atheist lord to make it happen and for easter lo and behold, my mom gave me the money for it, after that everything changed, people started looking at me a different way, smiles everywhere, girls were pointing at my car, some maiden with a courteous smile, while other with real envy, i knew this was a defining moment in my life.
When that fake blow off rang, everyone was looking at my car, i was in heaven, maidens were courting me like crazy and still are.
THIS PRODUCT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!
Review by unclemctouchybottom / (Posted on 9/5/2014)
I got my mom to help me install this on my dodge neon while dad helped my uncle plastidip my 14's neon green. I can tell you this......not only did it work but the quality is amazing. My endowment quickly grew from 1/2 inch to a full swinging inch. I can't wait to rev this up at stop lights with my elbow hanging out my driver window! Thanks so much now maybe I can get in one of those sweet windshield decal car clubs!!!!
Review by Str8brimdhatthug4lyf / (Posted on 8/24/2014)
this thing is great, first day i put it on i revved my engine up at a intersection and got a group of girls to sayy damnnnnnn nice ride. so i tried it again and i got a girl to come spend the night with me. lemme tell you i put the pshhhh to her valve. this is
So, despite many unreturned phone calls to 034, I still have not received my TBOSFRP. My credit card was charged the full amount almost four weeks ago and still have not received it in the mail. I'm sure it's just due to a back order from high demand but the anticipation is killing me! I will try to call again later today. If 034 wants to retain my business as a loyal customer, they should consider including some racing inspired stickers for my vehicle free of charge with my order. Wink wink nudge nudge.
so beforehand I wasn't entirely sure about purchasing this product without the proper upgrades done to my Pontiac Aztek's motor and electrical system but I went out of my way regardless to purchase it and so far I'm glad to say it's been a whole 2 weeks and going strong ! Not one issue yet. Most cars have a vibrational probelms where the outer exhuast spoke rubs against the outer bearing causing the electrical relays to go bad and with that comes the potential to frie your engine. But this excellently constructed item has brought along 0 of those problems .
We were going to install this to my sons Plymouth Prowler but we decided the excessive vibrations caused this hefty mod would cost us more time and money upgrading the electrical system to support it then what it would be worth, what a shame.
This blow off simulator will go great along with my Tornado intake, Fuel line magnet, Hydrogen Generator.
I really like the "Type R" and "J-Spec" stickers it came with too, my friends are so jealous. Now all I need is a CO2 fogger coming out of my hood so it looks like I have nitrous.
Review by Phil Michmerhuizen / (Posted on 8/3/2010)
Wow at first I thought it was real WTF thats hilarious though, that made my day thanks 034!
Review by Michael Coke / (Posted on 7/28/2010)
Dont know how I got by without it. Gonna put Garret out of business.
Review by Daniel Terre / (Posted on 6/26/2010)
After purchasing my hood scoop and using the passenger airbag slot as a PS2 holder (yes, not PSone. Its a PS2 bi**hes)
this mod was next on my list.
The second I ordered, response and tracking numbers were almost instantaneous!!
I don't know why they say they don't stock it but me and all my friends bought one.
We have Dodge Neons.
This enhanced our drivability and I researched, I am almost positive it adds about 5hp.
Before I twin turbocharge my car I thought this would give me the proper motivation to get
And boy did it work, I got soo laid...
The ladies love the whooshhh....
Thanks 034 for this great product, see you at the drag strip!
Review by Enes Arslan / (Posted on 5/20/2010)
I got 2 of these bad boys since I have 2 grape fruit launchers on the back of my "92 civic! The sound is awesome. I tried to race a vette. He smoked me, but I never would have tried before. I did beat an old man riding a 3-wheeled bike, but he pulled me out of the car at a handicapped crossing and kicked me in the fruit basket.
This product dramatically improved my sex life! (not with actual people of course) I can't keep my hands off myself anymore! Just the sound of that "swoooooosh", makes me want to call a lumberjack, because I've got wood.
Tomorrow I am going to install my chrome, double front windshield wipers, and hopefully next week I will have my custom rear wing to install. I got the rear wing off a boeing 767 from a scrap yard, and I'm just waiting for the shipping. Hopefully, soon after, I will get some bitchin vinyl decals to really set my car off! I'm doing each mod, one at a time so that I can "feel" how much power each one adds.
Review by Jarrod Losh / (Posted on 5/19/2010)
it adds back pressure too.
will buy again A+++++++++++++