In this age of uncertainty, survival means being prepared for the unexpected.
Are strange men in Russia reading your emails? What's lurking behind the door of the women's restroom at Target? Is Clean Coal actually cleansed with Holy Water?
Most importantly, is Climate Change an elaborate hoax by Polar Bears? If not, is it really caused by humans?
We're here to tell you that we have absolutely no clue. But we're prepared.
Meet the SnorkelCharger™ Climate Change Intake System by 034Motorsport.
WHY THE SNORKELCHARGER™?
Let's face it - strange things may or may not be happening. Sea levels might be rising. Some parts of the country might be flooding. Other parts of the country might be turning into dusty, desolate wastelands.
With 034Motorsport's SnorkelCharger™, you can safely navigate Earth with no regard for the perils of Climate Change.
Engineered to allow your Audi A4/Allroad to operate in flooded cities and arid deserts, the SnorkelCharger™ combines the latest in ClimateProof™ Technology with innovative Performance Features from 034Motorsport.
Want to know more? Learn about the the SnorkelCharger™'s unique features below to see if it's right for you.
CLIMATEPROOF™ TECHNOLOGY & PERFORMANCE FEATURES
Elevated Ram-Air Inlet - The SnorkelCharger™ features an Elevated Ram-Air Inlet design, allowing your vehicle to drive through standing water up to its roofline without the engine ingesting water, while also directing cool, pressurized air to the air filter - like boost before you even put it through the turbo!
Wave-Particle Duality Filtration - To be compatible with both flooded city streets and dusty, arid wastelands, the SnorkelCharger™ incorporates some real next-level physics stuff. We're talking truly mind-blowing physics that you probably haven't even come across on Reddit. Wave-Particle Duality Filtration is unique to the SnorkelCharger™, and ensures that your engine is only breathing in pure, unadulterated oxygen waves and particles. No dust waves or water particles can make their way through!
Vantablack Stealth Finish - Perhaps the most important feature of the SnorkelCharger™ is its ability to blend in when it matters most. The SnorkelCharger™'s proprietary Vantablack Stealth Finish makes your vehicle invisible to angry gods who may be planning to exact revenge on you based on your vote in the recent presidential election, all under the guise of Climate Change.
SNORKELCHARGER™ APPLICATION GUIDE
- 2017 - Present Audi A4 (B9)
- 2017 - Present Audi Allroad (B9)
- 2018 - Present Audi S4 (B9)
- Power Drill
- 3" Hole Saw
- Average-Sized Hands
Is this product real?
Yes, it's as real as those tiny little hands of yours that you used to type this stupid question.
Will the SnorkelCharger™ fit my Focus ST?
No. You will probably die.
Why is shipping so expensive?
The cost of shipping for the SnorkelCharger™ includes a second SnorkelCharger™ to be mounted on the delivery vehicle. Shipping you a product to save you from Climate Change in a vehicle not prepared for the perils of Climate Change would be dumb.